saying yes

I was trying to clean up the dishes that had been soaking in the sink tonight (Jason hasn't been feeling well so I wanted to help him out) when Lyle got in his head that he wanted to play with the "wa-wa". He pulled the step stool over to the sink and proceeded to grab anything he could get his hands on and throw it in the sink. I first tried to just move the breakable and sharp items out of his reach and continue clearing the sink so I could wash the dishes stacked on the counter, but he was so determined to play in the water that he started grabbing handfuls of it and putting it on his head! The boy loves water, I tell you. I started to feel frustration building inside me at the thought of not being able to carry out my plan of finishing this task, and I desperately tried to think of how I could distract him with something else without bringing about a full blown tantrum.

I could have said NO. No, you'll make a mess. No, you'll get your clothes wet. No, you can't do that right now- you are in my way.

Instead, I said YES.

I quickly cleared the dirty water from the sink, wiped it out, stopped the drain, and turned the faucet on to a comfortable temperature (at a trickle- this guy especially loves running water). I put the step stool in the center of the sink, spread a few towels on the floor to catch the drips, and tossed some measuring cups and spoons in for him to play with. Then I went about my business cleaning up the rest of the kitchen, leaving the dishes for later. He was thrilled! He played happily for over 20 minutes, and in the end it took me only a matter of seconds to gather the wet towels, wipe the counter off, and strip him of his wet clothes. He was content (although quite wet) and went away with his need for a little sensory play completely satisfied. We had avoided a battle of wills over who would use the sink, and I just got different work done than I had originally planned. He was happy and I was happy!

Yes, you can play in the water. Yes, your needs are important to me. Yes, I know you will make a mess and that is OK. Yes, I will clean it up when you are through, joyfully. Yes, yes, YES!

What a difference it can make, when you make an effort to say "yes" to a child. I have found in my own experience that I was saying "no" so often, without even considering the outcome. And then once I had said it, there was no turning back- for fear of looking like the wishy-washy parent who can't make up their mind. Now that I have been looking for ways to say yes more often, it is amazing the impact it is having on everyone in our home. Saying yes tells my kids that I am here to help them, not to keep them from doing what they want to do. It tells them that they have the power to control their own activities and surroundings, without me trying to control them. It tells them, in no uncertain terms, that I love them.